Sad News

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

The Ass Neck

Many of you may have heard of the infamous Jerky Boys and their equally infamous term - ass neck. I have oft wondered the meaning of this strangely intriguing combination of anatomical terms. But alas, I wonder no more. I have discovered the meaning...in fact, I live the meaning and have become increasingly grossly familiar with the fascinating term. I have determined it means when one's neck becomes so painful as to make one want to kick his own ass to alleviate said neck pain. Seriously. I don't know how or why, but my neck has started to hurt daily for the past several weeks. Some days are worse than others and I have yet to determine that catalyst that initiates this insistently annoying pain. The Chiropractor is crunching away on me and the muscle relaxers seem to help, too. I hope it goes way entirely sooner rather than later....